Fried Wisdom Teeth

How many of you have had your wisdom teeth taken out? Come on, hands up. Apparently 85% of wisdom teeth have to be taken out. That’s a lot of teeth. That’s A LOT of pain for us. I just got my wisdom teeth (all four) taken out last Friday. Let me tell you, that was no day at the beach by any means. My mom called it a rite of passage. I think she said that about my menstrual cycle too. If this is some crazy cult, I want nothing to do with it.

I really didn’t want to have them yanked out, but my bottom wisdom sources were going to ruin the rest of my teeth and the top ones were just nonsense so they called it a party and pulled them all together. I figure a week or two of pain is better than a year or two of dental work to fix the potential damage. Unfortunately—or maybe it WAS better I didn’t know—not one person warned me about how painful the “extraction” (never a happy sounding term) could be. Seriously, it’s like my migraines moved from my head to my jaw and has been reminding me of my lack of teeth the whole week. Yippie. This isn’t so bad when you have painkillers. I, unfortunately, ran out two days ago. Whoopsie.

If you are going to get your wisdom teeth out here are a few tips:

  1. Have lots of ice packs ready—no, not just a few bags of peas, I’m talking serious ice bagging.  Hit the grocery store before your “EXTRACTION.”
  2. Tea bags. Yeah this probably sounds weird but I’m serious. Fold one into a piece of gauze and chomp down. It helps the bleading stop and hurries along the healing process.
  3. Do NOT look at the scary black holes unless it is completely necessary. You will not be sucked into their caverns of doom, BUT they may creep you out. It’s best to just leave them be and look at other items of interest on your person. Check your cave for bats if you’re intent on looking in the mirror (or just extremely bored. You will be.)
  4. Rent lots of movies. You will be sitting around a lot.
  5. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to eat anything crunchy, chewy, or even remotely solid for the first couple of days. I decided I could eat a salad Day 4. Baaaad idea. Much pain followed my moment of stupidity.
  6. Keep a plastic bag or bucket by you at all times the first day. A lot of people become nauseas due to the anesthetics which is why you can’t eat or drink before the surgery.
  7. Most importantly, stock up on Snack Packs. Pudding will be your best friend.

So there you have it, folks. You are now sure to better survive the horrible wisdom tooth EXTRACTION. To those of you who will be getting it done at some point, good luck, to those who have had it done, god bless you. To the 15% whose wisdom teeth stayed under the radar, you’re lucky poops.

Over and out.